I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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