this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
