My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
