I just found puke in my bra..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
