No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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