Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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