Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
