How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
