my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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