You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
