she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
