Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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