Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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