Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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