If i come over, it means nothing
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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