they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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