Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
