in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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