I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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