There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
