some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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