i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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