my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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