eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
