no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
