The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You smell like stripper and shame
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This toilet bowl is my home.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
