at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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