My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
