I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
