The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
