jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
