she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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