Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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