dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
