There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
