Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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