Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
