Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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