Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
