how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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