I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
