I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize