I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize