Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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