I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
