All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Randomize
