he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
