hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
