I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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