Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
