I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
