I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
