He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
