my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
