Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
