they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
