it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
