dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
