I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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