actually, I'm a sock model
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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