I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
