so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize