On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
