are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
