I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
