She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
