apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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