Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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