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thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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