my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
