so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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